This issue

2009 Summer Getaways

There is no doubt that this year, more than ever, travelers are looking for good vacation value. Whether traveling with the whole family, with girlfriends or with your sweetheart, most guests are looking for discounted deals and value oriented packages for their summer getaways. So we’ve done the legwork for you and compiled a list options and the best offerings from some of the finest resorts in the Sunshine State. We’re sure you’ll find an ideal option for your travel needs. Happy travels! —C.M. Villazon

LOEWS ROYAL PACIFIC HOTEL, ORLANDO

THE PACKAGE: Florida Resident Rate

THE DETAILS: Stay just steps away from the exciting Universal Studios parks at the beautiful Loew’s Royal Pacific Hotel. Featuring 1000 guestrooms, a lagoon-style swimming pool and on-site dining options such as Emeril’s Tchoup Chop, there is bound to be something for the whole family. This summer through August 15, Florida residents can take advantage of special pricing for weekday/ weekend rates starting at $149/$169. In addition, children eat free at lunch and dinner as select hotel restaurants with a stay of three nights or longer. For more information about this offer call 800.BE.A.STAR.

NAPLES GRANDE, NAPLES

THE PACKAGE: Summer Escape

THE DETAILS: Boasting 23 acres of waterfront and three miles of sugar sand beach, Naples Grande is a favorite among Naples visitors. Three swimming pools, a Golden Door spa, Striphouse Steakhouse and location just steps away from the famed Waterside Shops, are all the more reason to head to the west coast for a weekend getaway. Now, enjoy your weekend jaunt for rates starting at $99 per night from now until September 30, 2009. This year’s Summer Escape package includes complimentary breakfast buffet, one free half-day session of one child in the NG Kids Club, 25 percent off tee times, 25 percent off lunch and dinner daily, 15 percent off spa treatments at Golden Door Spa and much more! The best part: Stay four nights and receive the fourth night for free. Book by July 15 and you’ll even receive a certificate good for a future free night stay redeemable from May 26 through December 20, 2009. For reservations call 888.WALDORF or 888.772.1266 or visit naplesgranderesort.com.

COSTA D’ESTE BEACH RESORT, VERO BEACH

THE PACKAGE: Good Girls/ Bad Girls Package

THE DETAILS: Gloria and Emilio Estefan’s chic Costa d’Este Beach Resort offers several “Summer of Savings” packages but it’s the Good Girls/ Bad Girls package that caught our eye. This weekend package gives gals the naughty and nice options for a two-night stay. Whether you choose to indulge your inner bad girl or opt to nurture your inner good gal, you’ll love this fun filled escape featuring chocolate martinis, a chocolate lovers buffet served poolside, en suite or at the resort bar, as well as a 30-minute refresher facial and two hour guided kayak excursion. With all this, who needs the guys! Currently available through December 31, 2010, standard two night stay. Call 772.562.9919 or visit costadeste.com.

CELEBRATION HOTEL, CELEBRATION

THE PACKAGE: The Romantic Retreat

THE DETAILS: Situated in this charming lakeside city just five minutes from Disney, Celebration Hotel gives travelers a taste of Old Florida charm. Rated as one of Florida’s most romantic escapes, it’s no surprise Celebration Hotel offers a package with the same focus. The Romantic Retreat includes a one night stay, breakfast for two in the Plantation Room or in-room, a romantic turn-down service with a bottle of champagne, rose petals, chocolate and romantic tunes. It also includes the daily resort fee. To reserve your room call 407.566.6000 or visit celebrationhotel.com.

CANYON RANCH, MIAMI

THE PACKAGE: Third Night Free

THE DETAILS: Get balanced and relax in the ultra zen-like Miami haven known as Canyon Ranch. Home of the former Carillon Hotel, this posh place offers 150 guest rooms and award-winning cuisine. The Third Night Free package at Canyon Ranch Miami Beach also offers a selection of yoga and breathing classes, 10 percent off the wellness spa and salon services, and access to Aquavana, fitness room and the wellness spa. For your Third Night Free please call 800.742.9000 or visit canyonranch.com.

BRAZILIAN COURT, PALM BEACH

THE PACKAGE: One More Night Escape

THE DETAILS: Guests who book a three-night stay at the Brazilian Court will receive their third night free thanks to the “One More Night Escape.” Take advantage of rates discounted 33 percent, which equates to one night free, and enjoy a long weekend at this tony Palm Beach Resort just steps away from famed Worth Avenue. Indulge in a delectable dinner and fine cuisine at the resorts on-property restaurant, Cafe Boulud, or spend the day getting pampered at the Frederic Fekkai Salon. The One More Night Escape is available through December 31, 2009. Based on availability and rates do not include 11.5 percent total taxes. For more information call 561.655.7740 or visit Braziliancourt.com.

THE WESTIN COLONNADE CORAL GABLES, CORAL GABLES

THE PACKAGE: Reserve & Relax

THE DETAILS: The Westin Colonnade offers hot summer savings to their guests and a “Reserve & Relax” package for the “planner” in you. Stay two summer nights and you’ll save 50 percent on your second night. Stay three nights and your third night is free! Or indulge in the “Reserve and Relax” package and when you book seven days in advance, through December 31 of this year, you’ll save up to 15 percent. So plan your getaway to this Starwood property that combines the Old World ambiance with the conveniences of today for a truly heavenly summer escape. Call The Westin Colonnade, Coral Gables at 305.441.2600.

THE OMPHOY OCEAN RESORT, PALM BEACH

THE PACKAGE: Introductory Package

THE DETAILS: Palm Beach’s newest hotel (opening in June) and the only beachfront boutique hotel on the island, The Omphoy Ocean Resort offers visitors a New York-meets-South Beach ambiance in a chic Palm Beach setting. Boasting the cuisine of celebrity Chef Michelle Bernstein and an Exhale Spa, guests will enjoy the chic Asian-inspired modern atmosphere at this new hotel featuring 134 guestrooms and suites all of which offer a panoramic view of the ocean or Intracoastal. This summer to introduce this chic boutique hotel, guests can enjoy a special introductory rate of $199 per night (maximum of two guests per room). The package also includes dinner for two at the Michelle Bernstein Restaurant. Available through October 31, 2009. Visit omphoy.com or call 561.540.6440.

INTERCONTINENTAL TAMPA

THE PACKAGE: Weekend BOGO Package

THE DETAILS: Located in the heart of the city, the Intercontinental Tampa is walking distance from many popular dining, entertainment and shopping locations. It’s also just a short distance from several family-friendly attractions including Busch Gardens, Florida Aquarium and Lowry Park Zoo. Now, guests can take advantage of the Intercontinental Tampa’s weekend night BOGO (buy one, get one free) package. Visitors purchasing one weekend night (Thursday through Sunday) at prevailing retail rates will receive the second night or a second room on the same night for free. Prices start at $159 and the package also includes a disposable camera and a 5X7 picture frame to capture a memory. Available now through September 30, 2009. Call 866.915.1557 or visit intercontampa.com.

MARCO ISLAND MARRIOTT BEACH RESORT, MARCO ISLAND

THE PACKAGE: Guilt-Free Getaway

THE DETAILS: While summer vacation for many means indulging in guilty pleasures, the Marco Island Marriott Beach Resort offers a guilt-free escape for you. The “Guilt-Free Getaway” includes a complimentary upgrade to an island view room and daily resort credit of up to $100 for golf, spa and dining. So go ahead, indulge. Available through January 1, 2010, nightly rates start at $244.Visit Marriott.com/mrkfl and use promotional code: D52 or call 800.GET.HERE for more info or to book your stay.

BELLASERA HOTEL, NAPLES

THE PACKAGE: Under the Tuscan Sun

THE DETAILS: Enjoy a comfortably, chic stay at this Naples boutique hotel. The “Under the Tuscan Sun” package includes resort accommodations for two nights, two 60-minute Swedish massages from Esterra Spa, $50 food credit and two cocktails for Zizi restaurant and lounge, complimentary bicycle rentals, two Bellasera beach towels and more. Packages start at $639 and are based on double occupancy. Call 239.649.7333 or visit bellaseranaples.com for more information.

INN ON FIFTH, NAPLES

THE PACKAGE: Summer Rate

THE DETAILS: The recently renovated Inn on Fifth is offering Naples visitors a special summer rate of just $119. This sophisticated boutique hotel in the heart of Old Naples on Fifth Avenue South is walking- distance from a host of Naples’ popular stores, restaurants and galleries. The updated guestrooms and in-room amenities are sure to please but it’s the prime location that will make all the difference. Special rate is subject to availability and not valid on holiday weekends. Proof of Florida residency is required. For more information call 888.403.8778 or visit innonfifth.com.

MONDRIAN, MIAMI

THE PACKAGE: Locals Package

THE DETAILS: The “Locals Package” at the Mondrian South Beach, located on fashionable Biscayne Bay, includes champagne bottle upon arrival, room upgrade, complimentary poolside cabana and 25 percent off all spa treatments. Currently available through December 31, 2009. Call 305.672.2662 or visit mondriansouthbeach.com

JUPITER BEACH RESORT & SPA, JUPITER

THE PACKAGE: Backyard Vacation Package

THE DETAILS: The Jupiter Beach Resort & Spa is inviting South Florida residents to experience luxury in their own backyard. Thanks to this luxe seaside resort, you don’t have to travel far to truly get away from it all. The “Backyard Vacation Package” starts at $159 per night and includes luxury ocean view accommodations, breakfast for two at Sinclairs’ Ocean Grill, a self-guided tour of the historic Jupiter Lighthouse, daily beach chair set up and a $25 resort credit. The “Backyard vacation Package” is valid through September 30 and is per room, per night, with some restrictions. Call 866.943.0950 or visit jupiterbeachresort.com and use promo code: JUPLOC. V

Couples: Unlocking the keys to female sexual intimacy

By Daniel Stein M.D., F.A.C.O.G

Does anyone have the perfect relationship? What defines the ideal relationship anyway? These are questions couples ask themselves everyday-especially when they realize that romance is no longer a focal point in their lives.

” Only eight percent [of married couples] have sex with their partners three or four times a week or more. The doctors describe this as ‘a significant public health problem.’ “

Many factors can chip away at a relationship that was once strong. Money is the first problem. Financial stress attacks not only our heads and pocketbooks, but our relationships as well. Another problem that plagues couples is poor communication. The word “communication” may sound cliché, but as I tell my patients every day, a couple that is unable to communicate as best friends, is like a couple that is unable to hold one another as lovers. However, of all the critical issues involved in “dry” relationships, the one that stands out is lack of intimacy the utter inability for couples to desire each other in a physical, passionate manner.

Despite what popular culture tells us, America is uncomfortable with discussing issues of intimacy. Sociologists Robert Michael, John Gagnon and Edward Laumen in the authoritative tome “Sex in America” state that we are “a society full of desires that fail to be realized.” There just isn’t as much sex taking place as people think there is. The most sexually active people are married couples and only 45 percent of them have sex a few times a month. One third has sex with their partner a few times a year or not at all. Only eight percent have sex with their partners three or four times a week or more. The doctors describe this as “a significant public health problem.”

Is it that we’re embarrassed to deal with intimacy, or is it simply too difficult of a subject to discuss? While we are bombarded by sex in day-to-day public life, many of us have trouble discussing it in private. Of course, doctors acknowledge the importance of sex, but they are only addressing one-half of the problem.

Fear lies in communication about often uncomfortable topics.Men shudder at the word “erectile dysfunction.” Indeed, this is a physical and psychological disorder that affects vast numbers of males, but fortunately, medications like Viagra® have provided assistance with the problem. Yet men are not the only ones affected by disorders of desire; women also face physical and emotional challenges that need to be addressed.

It’s a common notion that sexuality is pretty simple for men: a rise in hormonal testosterone, an erection and a release. For women, we’re often told it’s more complex, with other factorsinvolved, including emotions, perceptions, mood and sense of herself and her partner. However, evolution and science tell us this isn’t the whole truth. A woman’s sexuality is just as organized around her testosterone as her male counterpart’s. Testosterone ignites the fire of desire in a woman just like it does in a man. It is the very foundation of her ability to become sexually aroused.

When a man is sexually dysfunctional, it is difficult, if not impossible for him to perform during intercourse. This is not true for women a sexually dysfunctional woman can still engage in sex, even if she neither enjoys the rush of excitement or shared joy that come with the heat of passion. However, since “engage” is often the keyword when discussing sex, doctors and researchers have largely ignored women. And since there are still scores of people who believe that women do not experience physical orgasms as difficult as this may be to grasp we find ourselves at a medical crossroads.

When I founded the The Stein Women’s Center in 1979, I set out to change these preconceived notions about female sexuality. Experts estimate that more than 40 million women suffer from sexual challenges. According to some, at any one time almost half of all women are experiencing reduced desire, arousal or orgasmic ability. My research has determined that the stress and pressure of today’s society is turning sexual issues that used to be associated with menopausal women into common conditions affecting women in their 20s, 30s and 40s. Women today face a litany of factors that can deflate their intimate aspirations and  sexual desire: stress, hormone imbalance, relationship problems, lifestyle/career choices or physical conditions such as pregnancy, menopause or the use of prescription medicine like antidepressants (which can reduce desire and inhibit orgasm). The problem is that even though women are gaining more equality in society through increased career opportunities and professional respect, social values are still cemented in the Middle Ages. There are precious few routes for women to take when experiencing sexual problems because of society’s unwillingness to recognize female sexual dysfunctions. The first step to a solution is to understand that female sexual dysfunction is an actual physical disorder.

Doctors could determine the severity of hormone derived female sexual dysfunction by measuring a woman’s testosterone level if accurate tests are readily available. Women who bear low testosterone levels naturally experience a decreased sexual desire.

Unfortunately, contemporary testosterone tests were designed to measure male levels, which are roughly 10 times higher than females. As a result, testosterone tests are notoriously inaccurate and difficult to interpret. However, as a result of society’s discomfort at addressing female sexual issues at a physical level, too few women are given the option of using supplementary natural testosterone. This is true even when research is conducted over a period of several decades, indicating that women who are treated with testosterone replacement in balance with their other hormones achieve an optimal balance of sexual happiness and overall health. A happy and healthy sexual life with your partner is possible. If you are fortunate enough to be with someone you love, share as much of yourself as you can. It is the accumulated history we actively share that bonds us through difficult times of stress, illness and economic problems. But a shared history with a lover won’t necessarily keep the fires roaring, the passions surging and the hormones raging. Loving sexual intimacy is the vital connection between mind, body and spirit. Nourish it, and you can strengthen the bonds that reinforce relationship longevity and vibrance that doesn’t fade with time.

Keeping Connected

by Minx Boren, MCC

The importance of cultivating friendship in a busy world

It’s not an overstatement to say that most of us have never lived through such stressful times. Stop and ask yourself, “How am I coping?” As women we know instinctively that we thrive and discover ourselves best through our friendships and connections. But who has time and opportunity to foster these relationships now when we need them the most? Tend and befriend is the phrase used to describe a woman’s tendency to gather with other women for comfort and support when the going gets tough. Research shows that, unlike men, whose testosterone driven brains react with instincts of fight or flight, as women we respond to stress with a flood of brain chemicals, including oxytocin which calms us and countermands fight or flight. We are physiologically encouraged to both gather the children and seek out, develop, and maintain friendships. The big bonus is that, as we do so, even more oxytocin is released, further supporting this calming effect and therefore, further easing the stress. The clincher is that estrogen seems to fortify the effect of oxytocin while
testosterone reduces it.

Did you know that tending to your friendships is a way to also tend to your health and wellbeing? A recent study at UCLA suggests that not only are women relational by nature but that our friendships may be a potent antidote to stress. Multiple studies also show that social ties reduce our risk of disease by lowering blood pressure, heart rate, and cholesterol. The Nurses’ Health Study from Harvard Medical School found that there is a direct correlation between more friendships and fewer physical impairments due to aging. The nurses were also more likely to feel that they were leading joyful lives. Given the stress we live in, doesn’t it just make sense for us to seek more ways to tend and befriend one another?

Modern lifestyles make this more difficult to achieve. It seems our roots are becoming more shallow as we move from city to city (whether permanently or because our jobs keep us flying from here to there) pursuing opportunities. Also, in today’s more mobile world, family and friends are often scattered in all directions. Modern day links frequently involve telephones and electronic correspondence with only occasional face-to-face opportunities to reach out and touch someone, to nurture old friendships or to build new ones.

So what’s a woman to do? To nurture the friendships you hold dear and to even expand your circle of connections, here are some quick and easy suggestions worth considering:

• Be a bit old fashioned. Schedule tea for two in your day planner every week and meet either in person or by phone for a deeply connective ½ hour.

• Invite a few best friends to an old fashioned PJ party. If necessary, chip in and hire a baby sitter to take care of the kids (at a PJ party of their own). For more ideas go to: http://www.authenticwoman.com/pajama/pj_retreats.html

• Gather some girlfriends together with aprons and bags of groceries to mix up a group dinner. Fill up on both food and friendship. Make conversation while making a meal. Carry on while cleaning up.

• Make time for a walk-talk with a buddy each week. Great exercise with great company. What could be better?

• Buddy up when things are tough. Going through a challenge or a crisis? Call on a wisewoman friend who is willing to listen deeply and reflect back to you who you really are - your strengths and talents, your  knowledge and intuitive knowings. Spend time heartstorming together about next best steps and possibilities.

• Build new bridges. Search out opportunities and networking events to connect with women in the neighborhood, in the community, and in the larger arenas in which you participate. Whether it’s an interest in a charity or a sport (yours or your child’s) or your work/career or some idea you’re passionate about, seek out like-minded others.

• Find reasons to celebrate. Make an effort to celebrate your friends’ milestones and achievements. Make it fun, make it easy, make it happen. Support is one of the great gifts of friendship so offer yours.

With a little imagination and effort, plus some creative time management, you can find ways to stay truly connected, even in this 24/7, “on the go” time we live in.

have you gone on a walk-talk lately?
…what a grand journey it can be going nowhere
around the blocks of the old neighborhood maybe
or along the beach at sunrise…
from Feeling My Way - 99 Poetic Journeys by Minx Boren

Minx Boren MCC is a poet, author, speaker and Master Certified Coach. She lives in Jupiter, Florida and works both locally and nationally.

Fiscal Infidelity

BY SHARON LEVINSOHN

There is a dirty little secret lurking in many marriages today, and it is called fiscal infidelity. While you may have heard of the term sexual infidelity, you may not be as familiar with the financial version. Fiscal infidelity involves deceit, planning and deception. This syndrome necessitates spouses going to great lengths to hide major purchases, lie about personal spending proclivities and/or maintain secret bank accounts. The financially unfaithful plan out elaborate schemes and construct numerous lies in order to carry out this financial form of cheating.

The numbers of fiscally unfaithful couples are staggering. According to a joint survey sponsored by Redbook magazine and lawyers.com, almost one-third of American adults, aged 25 to 55, in committed relationships admit that they have been dishonest with their partners about their spending habits. The survey also revealed that women are more fiscally unfaithful than their male partners (33 percent of women, versus 26 percent of men).Is it easier for women to hide their bills or the purchases that they represent because more of them are in charge of the household budget? It’s certainly a reasonable theory. In addition, the survey noted that 41 percent of women are in charge of their own budgets, versus men, who weighed in at 21 percent.

Others are just a bit more devious. Consider Lauren*, 48, a full-time wife and mother, who resides in one of Miami’s poshest enclaves. She has been hiding her purchases which consist of designer and couture clothing, shoes and handbags from her husband for the past five years. While her husband makes a healthy living, he does not understand her desire for deluxe duds, so she has devised an elaborate plan. She explains, “First of all, we have the money. I would not be buying these things if we could not afford them. My husband just doesn’t get it and he hates shopping. I really love nice things I have had them throughout my life. Rather than fight with him about what I buy, I have devised a plan which seems to work. I simply spread out the purchases, on different credit cards, or even use some cash for some things, and he never realizes what I am doing. I have told him that buying these things makes me happy, and that should be enough, but he refuses to accept my explanation.”

Sandy*, 43, a West Palm Beach financial executive, also admits that she has been hiding purchases for years. Even though she and her husband earn similar salaries, he became enraged when he saw what she was buying. “I don’t feel that I have to apologize for buying certain things. I adore items from Gucci, Jimmy Choo, Chloé, Prada and other designers. When I used to walk in with the bags after a shopping trip, he would chastise me about my purchases. I just got sick of fighting with him and trying to justify what I had bought, so I just decided to hide them in my car and bring them in (little by little) when he wasn’t home,” she explains.”I feel like I am entitled to buy what I want. I work hard and we have the money. It’s sad that it has to be this way, but in speaking with many friends, this situation seems to be quite common.”

Many of the women who were interviewed for this article admitted that they hide purchases mostly clothing, jewelry, handbags and shoes from their husbands on a regular basis. The constant refrain that was echoed, centered on their husbands not understanding their wives’ desire for upscale merchandise or the satisfaction that these items engender.

Sandy adds, “Life is stressful and retail therapy really works. I buy things that are well made and that last for a long time. Meanwhile, he spends on cigars, playing golf and on car accessories. I don’t begrudge him anything and it is sad that he will never understand my purchases.”

But what about the husbands? How do they feel about this buy-and-hide-then-lie syndrome? Mark*, 53, is a recently divorced attorney and the father of three children, who was furious at his wife’s continual financial deception. This Fort Lauderdale resident admits that he was livid about his now exwife’s secret spending. Not only did his stay-athome wife spend over $10,000 per month buying things for herself, she also hid money in secret accounts that were only discovered by his forensic accountant when the divorce proceedings began.

“I always considered myself a good husband and a good father, but my ex-wife’s spending was way out of control. We used to fight about these purchases, which I never knew about when the bills came in. When my accountant eventually found these secret bank accounts that she had set-up years ago, that was the last straw. We were already in the midst of a difficult divorce, but this revelation really made me mad. It also showed me that the problems in our marriage were way worse than I had imagined.”

Men are not immune to financial infidelity, as the survey clearly illuminated. While the percentage of men secretly splurging is lower, the deception is just as painful. Consider Leslie, 38*, a Weston resident, who was shocked by her husband’s reckless and often secret spending. “First, he bought a convertible BMW without even consulting me he just drove it home one day. I was shocked because this was a major purchase. hen, he joined a golf club I don’t play with a high initiation fee and expensive yearly dues.” Leslie’s most hurtful and shocking financial betrayal was revealed when she received a phone call from a billing office at a strip club. She continues, “It seems that my husband had taken some clients to one of these places, and had spent over $5,000 in one night! The only way that I found out about this secret splurge was because of that phone call. The club needed the three-digit code from the back of the credit card. Not only was I mad that he had gone to one of these clubs, I was livid that he had spent the  money there instead of on a family vacation. He had told me that we could not afford to go to the islands because he didn’t have the money.”

Other husbands and wives who were interviewed for this article also spoke about financial infidelity involving spa and golf vacations, expensive automobiles, high-end jewelry, clothing and secret  bank accounts. Some even mentioned impulsive real estate investments that did not include the other spouse’s input. It is not the specifics of the purchases that mattered as much as the lies and deception that fueled the behavior.

John Reynolds Allison, a psychotherapist in private practice in Jupiter, Florida, specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy. He acknowledges that financial infidelity is rampant in today’s society. Allison explains, “Major spending should never be a one-person decision unless it is for a gift for a birthday, an anniversary or for the holidays.” He continues, “Communication is key and couples should always discuss how money is allocated from household expenses to vacations, to material items. Impulse buying and spending vast amounts of money without telling your spouse is considered manic behavior. These people are just going for the temporary euphoria that comes from spending money on certain items. For many people, these secret purchases can be attributed to a substitution. They simply substitute material items for love. This is a form of self-medication and they really should seek professional help to discover and work through their underlying issues.”

Whether it is gambling in casinos, going on high-end vacations and/or buying designer items or expensive automobiles, Allison says that these individuals are simply looking for a quick fix and a way to make themselves feel better temporarily. He continues, “Many of these people don’t think of the outcome, or that they cannot really afford the watch or the car or the trip. They also don’t think that they will eventually have to speak to their spouse about this purchase, which can lead to major conflict and even, in some cases, to a separation or a divorce. They don’t think logically this is an example of ’stinking thinking.’”

Allison believes that many people can benefit from couples counseling as well as financial counseling. The first step on the path leading to a healthy marriage involves a decision to be honest and open about finances. Spouses should sit down and write up a budget, including all facets of their spending, including the mortgage, insurance (home, car and health), debt, credit card bills, education and entertainment. Surprises should not be part of their financial picture.

While most couples have a joint account for household expenses, many of them also have individual accounts for personal spending. The key is disclosure. Chris*, 54, a real estate investor from Orlando, believes in the “yours, mine and ours” theory of bank accounts. “My wife and I both work and we believe in open, honest communication about everything including our finances. We pool our money for the major joint expenses and we have individual bank accounts for discretionary spending. If you have the trust, and are open with each other, financial infidelity does not come into play.”

Veronica*, 40, an accountant from Tampa, states, “My live-in boyfriend and I have a rule. We discuss major purchases of $1000 or more before we buy anything. We also have three accounts. We both work in finance and neither of us could live with deception or discord.”

Allison urges full financial disclosure for all couples, and adds that instead of rewarding themselves with material possessions which often serve as temporary band aids for greater emotional issues couples begin their journey to healthy relationships relationships by creating meaningful rituals. “In lieu of secret spending and splurging, couples can spend time holding hands, going for walks, practicing yoga, sitting on the beach, listening to music, spending time in the pool or the ocean… Date night is also important, as is making time for intimacy. Creating trust on every level is a process. Rewarding relationships require emotional, physical
and fiscal intimacy and honesty.”

* All of the names and residences of the people who were interviewed for this article have been changed to protect their privacy

Tips for Fiscal Fidelity

• Discuss finances, including income, debt, bills, retirement contributions and discretionary income.
• Divide financial responsibilities, including paying the bills, overseeing savings, paying taxes and tracking spending.
• Determine a financial amount, that is comfortable for you both, and do not make purchases (for this amount or above) without discussing them.
• Determine if you want to pool all of your money or if you want to have three accounts (one for joint and household expenses, and one for each of you).
• Discuss discretionary spending. What items are important to each of you? Determine what amount is mutually acceptable for these items.
• Consult with a Certified Financial Planner to educate yourselves on a wide variety of financial issues.
• Meet with a psychotherapist who specializes in couples counseling to learn new ways to communicate and improve your relationship.
• Say “no” to financial infidelity. Say “yes” to compromise. Value honesty and open communication in every area of your relationship.

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Back to Your Roots

A mother-daughter escape to RANCHO LA PUERTA
BY IRVINA LEW

From the moment my daughter, Sharon, and I arrived at Rancho La Puerta, we felt its unique sense of place. On this 32-acre campus, clay-tile paths curve and wind their way up hill and down, past fountains, stone bridges, a running track surrounding a vineyard and gardens with clusters of sage, geranium or rosemary. Whether during a casual stroll, a bird-watching talk or a brisk walk between the four pools, eleven gyms and 83 casitas, this landscaped section of the 3000-acre ranch always surprises with something splendid to see.

We stayed in Villa Sol #9-a two-bedroom, twobathroom lodging-with a spacious great room topped by a vaulted, beamed ceiling and decorated with Mexican handicrafts. The dining area (for room service breakfasts) has a kitchen on one wall and a sliding glass door on the other that leads to a private patio with views of Mount Kuchumaa. The sculpture and art enriched “adult camp” with its Spanish, tile-roof architecture tells the tale of one family’s sensitivity to art, nature and beauty. Deborah Szekely-the Brooklyn-born, fruitatarianraised, mother of the spa industry, who will celebrate her 87th birthday this May-embodies the Ranch’s spirit and wellness philosophy. This always industrious, entrepreneur/activist/philanthropist married at 17. Months later, in 1940, with her late husband, Professor Edmond Bordeaux Szekely, a geophysicist and natural living experimenter, she moved to a humble, dirt floor hut in the middle of a vineyard named: Rancho La Puerta. Word spread and though there was neither running water nor electricity, invited guests paid $17.50 a week and brought their own tents to their vegetarian Shangri La. After all, it offered a climate to relish, a mountain to hike, a river to swim and an organic farm to cultivate. It was all so unusual in 1949 that a San Diego newspaper article referred to it as a “cult” led by the professor who lectured on the benefits of healthy soil, organic produce, vegetarian diets, exercise, even the value of 20 minutes of daily sunshine.

Days at Rancho La Puerta are filled with organic cooking and healthy activities for the ultimate vacation.

Experts continue to speak at The Ranch; during our week, some talks focused on the Magic of Mexico, Feeding the Future and Sex Education for Grown Ups. Best are Deborah Szekely’s weekly chats. She advocates healthy choices and recants insights gathered from the multitude of periodicals that she reads, clips, saves and shares. She even shares personal strategies: doable things, such as walking daily and eating half portions of restaurant meals.

At The Ranch, mostly vegetarian meals take place in a grand, two-story dining hall surrounded by gracious outdoor terraces. Hot and cold breakfasts and lunches are self-served from buffet stations; a wait staff serves dinners and guests sit at tables of two, four or six. As often as not, our table assembled casually on the spot. Fresh, organic fruits and vegetables predominate, though fish appears on the menu daily. Mexican specialidades, such as tacos and burritos, appear along with salads and extraordinary soups: Broccoli Corriander, Miso Lime with cilantro and a Tuscan Tomato Soup made with fresh roasted tomatoes and peppermint.

The activity schedule offers guests a finely tuned, extraordinarily well-organized and well-executed opportunity to participate (or not) in a myriad of active or passive pursuits. From 6 am hikes to 8 pm movies (and lectures), there are hourly activities (as many as eight choices an hour) geared to men and women of varying fitness levels and ages (from 20 to 80). My daughter attended tennis clinics and did yoga and Pilates; I chose Water Works and dance classes and we both tried Inner Meditation.

We each scheduled three pampering treatments during the week. Though I had one in-room massage, most services take place in one of the Health Centers the Villa Health Center has a Jacuzzi on the roof, the Women’s Health Center has one on a walled patio.

We did the Organic Garden Breakfast hike and a cooking class together. It was still dark when our small group set out on the two-mile trek to Las Tres Estrellas, the six-acre organic farm, though we arrived in clear daylight. We breakfasted in the newly constructed La Cocina Que Canta, the high-roofed, spacious Spanish Colonial style cooking school and culinary center and toured the farm before she walked back with friends (I took the van back to campus).

The first time I visited The Ranch; there was just a small farm kitchen. I clearly remember my cooking class there because I still prepare the thin-crusted, lightly cheesed, vegetable-and-basil studded pizza that the chef introduced to me in 1990, when most pizzas were oily, cheeseladen, calorie-dense pies!

This time, Ana Lorena Najar, the experienced 29-year old chef, spoke to the nine men and women in our class about the virtues of organic produce. She sweetly but firmly denounced chemically enhanced “diet” foods and introduced the farm-to-fork menu she had prepared. Each of us took our places in the grand dining room, collected our recipes and donned an apron before heading to our individual cooking stations (aides helped each cook while a discreet clean-up staff came and went to the prep kitchen; there are four staff members for each guest at The Ranch. I learned to prepare the Creamy Dark Chocolate Flan made with maple syrup and, yes, extra egg yolks and garnished with berries. (The ingredient rich recipe was served in miniscule cups!)

On Friday, when disbelief sets in that the week is almost over, Yuichi, the Los Angeles dancer arrives. For decades, he has been leading guests to the music of ever-popular tunes at both The Ranch and The Door (Ms. Szekely created the Golden Door for guests who want a more intimate and personalized spa experience). He performed after dinner, wearing a gold-lame jacket and an Elvis wig, to the music of a live Mariachi band and danced with some of the guests, including moi. I may have looked ridiculous, especially in front of my daughter, but it sure was fun and a great way to end an extraordinary spa week. What could be a better
Mother’s Day treat?

A Daughter’s Perspective
BY SHARON LEW BLOCK

After the initial shock and awe that my mother had invited me to go with her to Rancho La Puerta, it hit me that I was going away for a week alone with my Mother! I was admittedly flustered. We had never actually been alone together on a trip! While I knew Rancho la Puerta was an inspiring place and I was very excited about a full week at a spa, I was worried we would revert into our old habits of dealing with each other. Mom, being mom, and me, well being the daughter of mom.

The moment we arrived on the grounds and felt the peacefulness that surrounds The Ranch, all other worries vanished. A grin appeared on both of us. Our first two meals were awkward because we wanted to sit together, but we didn’t want to be rude and leave people out either; very quickly we made new acquaintances. The age of the men and women at The Ranch doesn’t seem to have any relevance there; three generations were sitting at every meal, at any given table, without any of us noticing.

As the days went on, we met more and more people and had such a blast with our new ‘friends’ that my mother and I didn’t even see each other ’til dinner! Our schedules were so full with wonderful activities; we barely noticed we were actually living together. The experience I remember most was the morning hike we took together to the Organic Garden. It was a fully gorgeous morning and we had so many laughs. We later harvested vegetables for the day’s meals and this city girl learned how to pluck a carrot out of the ground (You just pull! -I thought I would need a shovel! Who knew?)

A few days later, mother and daughter took a cooking class together and we had a blast. I learned how to cut vegetables properly for the first time ever, how to make a vegetable soup and how to enjoy cooking with more organic ingredients than I ever have eaten before!

All in all, Rancho La Puerta with my mom was one of the fondest most heart-warming experiences I think I have ever had.

Q&A with Ken Paves

1. What attracted you to Delray Beach and ElevenSpa?

I love that the Palm Beaches have a year-round community that attracts beautiful, stylish, happy people from all over the world. I am very excited about this great opportunity to bring my brand to the heart of South Florida. I also saw great similarity in the vision I have for my brand and what ELEVEN is creating. The decision was very simple. Delray Beach is a great destination and a perfect fit!

2. How did the collaboration for the new salon come about?

Nikki Oden and I were introduced to each other by a mutual friend. Sparks flew from the moment we met! Nikki and I share the same philosophy; it’s not only about making our clients look great it’s about making them feel amazing! I am so pleased to now offer the services of my top stylists and myself to those living in the area and those visiting ElevenSpa in South Florida, as well at their new location in Las Vegas!

3. I know that you started out many years ago at Oribe in Miami. Have you always had an affinity for the South Florida area?

When I began working with Oribe in Miami, I fell in love with the turquoise ocean and amazing weather of South Florida. I always knew I’d one day come back to this area and open a salon.

4. When did you know that styling was the career you wanted to pursue?

I grew up in Michigan with my father working seven days a week in the auto industry. My mom worked part-time jobs and raised three boys. I would sit outside of my mom’s bathroom as a “spectator” whenever she would do her hair and make up for special functions or holiday parties. I was in awe at how these rare moments of self made her feel. My mom is my muse and has also appeared in the media with me. When my father retired from the auto industry after 32 years, he made me promise him I would choose a job that I would love to do after 32 years. It has been 14 years and I still love it. I love to help women to recognize their own beauty and to feel confident about themselves. To me, that is the essence of beauty.

5. Tell me a little about the experience you want the customers of your salon at ElevenSpa to enjoy.

I want each client to leave my salon feeling beautiful and confident about how she looks. I am a very hands-on stylist, and I believe when I work with women they really feel that I am there for them, 100 percent about them and that my sole goal is to make them feel gorgeous which in return resonates as their unique outward beauty.

6. HairUwear has obviously been very successful. Do you have any future projects you can share with our readers?

I recently launched a new hair care collection called Ken Paves Healthy Hair. The line consists of Boost Up Color Drops (which are like color cosmetics for the hair), Shampoo, Conditioner, Curl Balm, Shine Serum, Volumizing Spray and a Strong Hold Shaping Spray. Each product in the line is designed to promote strong, nourished hair. Also, the entire line is paraben free, safe for colored or chemically treated hair and gentle enough to use every day. It was very important to me that I create cleaning and styling products that were of the best quality, beautifully scented and without harsh chemicals.

7. What is one of the past hair trends that you were glad to see go?

I can think of two off the top of my head no pun intended! The eighties perms were a horror of crunchy, over-processed frizz that obscured the beauty of healthy hair and made everyone look exactly the same. And I certainly don’t miss those straight-up, teased bangs. I think they were called “The Pump.” No one was flattered by that look, and again, it made the hair look damaged and unhealthy. Not a good look!

8. What current trend are you really into?

The current and timeless trend is individuality. Women are wearing hairstyles that flatter them, not just hairstyles that celebrities are wearing. Wearing a style that is specifically designed to flatter your own features, hair texture and lifestyle is what makes a woman feel confident when she looks in the mirror. That’s when she feels most beautiful.

9. What’s the most important hair tip or advice you could give someone?

The way we present ourselves tells the world a lot about us. Never tell the world you want to look like everyone else. Define a sense of beauty true to yourself, and change your hair as often as you change your mind! It should always be fun and playful.

10. Do you have any future plans for any more Ken Paves salons in Florida?

We are always open to new opportunities and looking for innovative ideas so you’ll just have to wait and see what comes next!

Clutter Control

Get your life and your home organized this spring

BY JUDY MARTEL

One day, Stacey Prillaman of Hobe Sound decided to take action toward her vision of an organized closet. When the day ended, she had her dream space, and something unexpected-a new outlook on life.

Prillaman says her closet was overwhelming. “After 25 years of marriage, eight (job) relocations and a three-year period of interim storage for a lot of stuff that had to be held until our home in Hobe Sound was complete, I found myself with the walk-in closet from hell.”

The closet became a repository for a little bit of everything. “It was sort of the library, game room, keeper of photographs, musical and miscellaneous black hole stuff that also included random artifacts of family history. I literally found myself walking a wide circle around this closet every time I approached the family room,” says Prillaman.

That’s when she called space organizer,Amber Quinn.

Working together, the pair not only organized the closet, but Quinn taught Prillaman a new way to look at her possessions.

“There is something about our stuff that is somehow interconnected to our intimate subconscious,emotional hangups,” says Prillaman. “How many times have all of us picked up the same junk, knowing that it needed to be tossed, only to be met by some guilty story in our heads and, oops, the stuff gets put right back?”

The secret of effective space planning is to go beyond the bins and color-coded folders, and provide a peace of mind that comes with freedom from clutter.

“Clearing out the stuff in your life is great therapy. It creates more ’space’ in your mental life that will, in turn, be supportive of joyful creative growth,” says Prillaman. “This not only feels good, it is a precursor for laugh-out-loud positive change in your life.”

Quinn, of Jupiter, says she’s surprised at some of the items people keep, and though she says she could throw out stuff in her house all day, she does understand that one person’s trash is another’s pretext for a trip down memory lane. “My husband’s an incredible packrat,” she says. “I think he has every concert ticket from every concert he’s attended since he was 12.” Her solution is to let him have his half of the closet, but with a caveat: She gives him containers for certain items and when the container is full, he has to throw some of the items away if he wants to add to it.

“Clearing out the stuff in your life is great therapy. It creates more ’space’ in your mental life that will, in turn, be supportive of joyful creative growth.”

Understanding the psychology of the power of stuff is one thing. Getting people to part with it is another. Quinn says clients begin the process hesitantly, but once they get in the groove, they often see how much they have that they don’t need. “I do think it’s draining to have so much,” says Quinn. “It takes up space in your mind. Once you get rid of the stuff, it makes your day more efficient.”

Ali Kaufman of Boca Raton developed her business, Space of Mind, to encompass the mental and physical aspects of organization. She helps people create systems for each of the three spaces in their lives that should be free of clutter-mental,physical and cyber. Once the physical space and the cyperspace are organized, clients usually find that the mental space takes care of itself, by virtue of renewed energy.

“If we’re in a state of overwhelm, we don’t see the problem because there’s too much clutter in the way,” she says. “I help create an internal commitment for my client.”

Kaufman, who had been managing a designer consignment clothing store in Harvard Square, Boston, came to Florida four years ago to start a business organizing closets. She quickly realized that the scope of her business could be much broader, and that she’d have to get to the psychological root of why people live in chaos to really solve the problem.

The former software developer had studied to be a rabbi, and she finds she calls upon both disciplines when working with clients. “As a software developer, I use my logical side so we can create systems and not reinvent the wheel each time,” she says. “You tend to get into trouble organizing if it doesn’t work for you.” Handling the emotional aspect of organization, she says, is like being a rabbi. “It’s very spiritual. You’re in someone’s space.”

Kaufman was diagnosed with attention deficit disorder when she was 20, and she says that it helps her understand other disorganized people. She assesses clients by how they process information-are they visual, verbal or kinesthetic (handson)? Then she determines what type of organizer they are: a piler, a filer or an avoider. From there, she can get down to work.

“Most organizers are geared toward filers, and putting things away in a certain way. But you can be a little messy and still be organized, which is why creative people don’t get Martha Stewart,” she says. “All artists will tell you the creative process is messy.”

Her clients typically identify her as someone who can organize their space, but when the work starts, it becomes less about the physical space and more about the emotional freedom. “It’s more about what it feels like, and less about what it looks like,” Kaufman notes. For that reason, she doesn’t adhere to strict rules about color-coding and certain sized boxes for rganization, but rather, what works best for the client.

“We’re disorganized because of emotions,” she says. “We feel the energy of our stuff even when it’s not in front of us.”

For example, she says, some clients are at a standstill simply because they don’t know how to handle the mail. As it piles up unopened, the stress piles up as well, and finding a system to begin the process of going through each day’s mail is the first step to organization. “Often (disorganization) is a problem with creating a goal,” she says. “Creating a system is just defining the steps.”

Cyperspace is a growing area of stress in people’s lives, Kaufman says, and we need systems in place to handle it. “Think of the last time you went on vacation, had a great time and came back to 600 emails,” she says.

For Prillaman, the benefits of clearing out a physical space only to unexpectedly unlock the emotional benefitswas a refreshing outcome.

“If I had attempted this project on my own, I would only have cleared out one-tenth of what we accomplished that day,” she says of working with Quinn. “We created an incredible pile of ‘to be tossed stuff’ that day. Amber insisted that all of it be loaded into her car; otherwise it would have sat in my garage for who knows how long.

“So she drove away, smiling and waving, carrying my excess stuff away and leaving me feeling happier, lighter, more organized and literally more purposeful in regards to my life. And given her wit and entertaining personality, I actually had a fabulously fun time cleaning out a closet.”

Tips for finding your space of mind in all that clutter:

1. Do a brain dump before you get started. Take a few minutes to write down your goals, fears, supplies, questions, etc.

2. Work to your best attention span. Don’t overdo it. Schedule organizing tasks in chunks of time that won’t burn you out.

3. Create activity zones in your physical space. When you’re trying to declutter, move like items together and set up spaces according to the activities you’ll be doing there.

4. Your organizational systems should reflect your processing style and personality. If you’re a piler, don’t try to be a filer. Set up a system that let’s you use piles. Know how you process information, too - if you’re visual, verbal or kinesthetic, you’ll want to create systems that match the way you think to organize.

5. Set up a command center to track your incoming and outgoing communications and calendar appointments. This should be the spot where you open mail, empty backpacks and handbags.

6. Put organizing on your calendar! Make it part of your routine to do the maintenance tasks that keep you up-to-date.

Home Decor

Ultra Modern Appliances are in Your Future

By Dara D’Onofrio

We are being introduced to a whole slew of multitasking devices so efficient they would make the Jetsons envious. Surely, happy homemaker Jane Jetson never had trouble with house chores thanks to her many space-age gadgets. And while we may be far from possessing robot maids and flying cars, there is no shortage of mind blowing, revolutionary home appliances currently available to us. Now is the time to transform your bathroom with color changing temperature faucets like the Hansacanyon, or produce drinking water from thin air with the Watermill Water Maker. Welcome to the future of your home.

Flowing Freely

The Watermill Water Maker from Element Four has tapped an unlimited source of fresh potable water. In an age where plastic bottles pile high in landfills and carcinogens lace the water that we ingest,unlimited clean water would be like a breath of fresh air. Enter the Water Maker. Harnessing humid air through a filter, the device’s cooling element condenses water to droplets, and is then filtered through a specialized carbon component. An ultraviolet sterilizer eliminates any existing bacteria. The Water Maker is not only an answer to our everyday water needs, but also an answer to global water shortages. With this technology, water could flow freely for the most drought stricken regions of the world. For more information, contact Element Four at 250.717.3733.

Master Multi-tasker

Men always seem to be intrigued by the newest tech toys, and while women enjoy snuggling up in front of a nice Plasma T.V. too, often they would prefer that the living room didn’t resemble a Best Buy store.Picture House, the company that specializes in home cinema furniture, has created an all-in-one console that hides your plasma T.V. inside a fully working remote-controlled fireplace, creating one focal point for your room. The best part: It keeps all wires under wraps. Visit Sarasota Fireplace Centers in Sarasota, or call 941.925.3985 for more information.

Spectacle of Light

The days of stepping into freezing or scalding showers are over thanks to the Hansacanyon from Hansa, a top of the line bathroom appliance that uses light for both beauty and practicality. Its design features an open visible waterspout, which is both avantgarde and serene. Allowing you to dip in at just the right temperature, Hansacanyon’s cascading waterfall is illuminated according to degrees-water turns blue providing a cool rinse, or for a steamy shower, the stream turns a deep, red hue. For more information, call Farrey’s Wholesale Hardware in North Miami at 305.947.5451 or Ferguson Enterprises in Fort Lauderdale at 954.567.3110.

Shopping Made Easy

If you’ve ever made a sandwich and reached for the mustard only to find none left, you will rejoice in Ikan. Along with the hectic pace of this modern world, comes magnificent technology to aid us. One example of this is Ikan’s revolutionary grocery shopping countertop unit, once dubbed “the netflix of groceries”-a sleek and modern device that will make shopping for groceries a cake walk. When finished with a food product, scan the UPC barcode into your online “shopping cart.” When it’s time to shop, everything that needs replenishing is on your list. Select areas even provide a delivery service. Now spending hours at the grocery store doesn’t seem so kosher. Visit ikan.net or call 1.877.365.IKAN.